Walking Liberated

Almost everyday I find myself battling this anxiety within. I realized recently, that I'm am more of a controlling perfectionist than I would admit, and always am striving to be the best at anything and everything. And when I finally come to a point of exhaustion, confusion, and wondering why I feel this was, a gentle nudging from my God reminds me to be at peace. I'm reminded that I will never be the best, never be the most creative / talented / smartest / powerful / influential / prettiest / funniest / wittiest / __________ in this lifetime. And God is teaching me to "let go" of all that gets in the way of proclaiming his goodness for my life. All these attributes, when it comes down to it, springs from insecurity, jealously, and a lust for the things of this world. It's brilliant how Jesus knew this. He reminds us to "take up the cross and follow me". What seems like pain and persecution is only a bridge way to seeing God work through the circumstances. That is true freedom. There is healing for the brokenhearted, hope for the hungry, the confused, the depressed. John knew this:

15 Don't love the world and what it offers. Those who love the world don't have the Father's love in them. 16 Not everything that the world offers-physical gratification, greed, and extravagant lifestyles-comes from the Father. It comes from the world, and 17 the world and its evil desires are passing away. But the person who does what God wants lives forever. (1 John 2:16).

I'll admit. Conflict arises in my mind. I attend an institution that spews out humanistic / post modern / relative ideologies. I am tempted to compromise my beliefs because what others say seem to make sense or I don't want to offend opinions. It's not easy being in a relationship with a person (Jesus) and people hating your lover. I speak about Jesus because I know He loves me and I love Him. I speak about Him because He rescued me from so much torment, how can I not share my experience? But at times, I am conflicted. I feel very alone in my views, in my passion for Him. Then, come the moments where God shows me up. He shows me how one verse in His word is truth again.

At school, I learn about great educators, and what types of theories work. Funny enough, great educational reformers like Paulo Freire made the conclusion that it is through the characteristics of humility and love that determine the outcome of true educational transformation. I read this stuff and think, "Wow... this is a simple biblical truth." Because of this, I can't help but to feel a bit impatient with what we learn in class. The life instructions the bible offers are effective (I wouldn't be saying this if it hadn't work in my life, or others). It is tiresome when I sit in class with 3 hours of overstatements on how this technique or that strategy will or will not work.

Another example, I'm writing a paper on "deficit thinking". Now, deficit thinking is basically how a situation or condition is perceived negatively. For instance, I can walk into a room in Tibet and think "Oh my, dirt floors how sad." But to Tibetians, it isn't sad, it's normal. Under deficit thinking, there is deficit speaking. If a teacher constantly tells a student, "this is too hard for you," or "you are dumb," deficit speaking says that you have just spoken a self-fulfilling prophecy. The child will inevitably end up "dumb" or struggling with the "hard" assignments. The researchers of this deficit thinking theory have done testing after testing and found the theory to be pretty solid.

Now how does this all tie in with the bible? The bible is covered with verses about how you should watch what you say. You can bless and curse people just by the faith in the words you speak. And what you say has power. It's so simple; it boggles my mind when simple biblical truths are secularized, intellectualized, studied and concluded with evidence of its existence. And when you mention how the bible speaks of these same truths, it's disregarded, since faith is foolishness to the educated.


Although because of all shaz, class bores me to death, I must rid aside my own "deficit" thinking, and learn to be thankful. I am thankful for the opportunity to be attending UCLA. I am thankful that one day God will use me to impact lives. I am thankful that I am being challenged in my beliefs, and God keeps showing me how He is still the TRUTH. I think 2008 has been the loneliest and most painful year of my life. I'm still in a desert time with God, but 2009 is going to be different. It is definitely going to be a significant and life-altering, I can feel it coming and am excited to see what's in stored.


Yay!

God Movements

God is really amazing.

On Saturday, CSC met up for the first time. Professor Romero educated us newbies about social justice according to the Christian faith. For once, he spoke of how great heroes, such as MLK JR, or Ceaser Chavez, were men of intense faith. Sure they weren't perfect (neither were some of their followers), but the force driving these leaders to lead, and make a dent in society, came not from human strength, but from their relationship with God. It is noted in history that Ceasar Chavez went on a "hunger strike" but in actuality, he did a spiritual fast (like what people did in the bible) and it was only after that fast was there a great shift in the movement. If you read MLK's letters to fellow churches, you see how much he talks about Jesus, about God, and how all of this movement is derived from the Father's heart to see the oppressed free. But what is socially unjust (in my opinion) is the omitting of such details in academic programs. Only horrible unbiblical accounts of "Christendom" is told of, while these positive aspects of Christianity is left out. How's that for social justice? If we want to be objective, then let's put all the info and let the readers decide for themselves what is truth.









Yesterday, David brought his friend Daniel to church. Daniel is a new Christian, who was once a "Paul" like Jew, hating Christians intensely, and even writing for a Jewish newsletter. He abhorred what Christians were preaching, practicing, etc. God totally divinely appointed us three to meet. While eating at this Caribbean health place, he began to share about his current trials in life. It was amazing how similar our trials were. I shared my story with him, and he was greatly comforted (and so was I). The three of us ended up praying for each other in the parking lot before heading home.






And then, there's today. Some of my classmates and I went to go eat lunch. After praying for my food, I guess a classmate asked if I was super Christian or something, and I replied that I do have a relationship with Jesus. haha. It was really cool to hear their opinions about their distasteful experiences with Christianity and how we had a mature discourse on why we think this all happens and such. Ironically, we walked by some religious radical telling people that they were going to hell (signs, you know the whole deal). I just laughed and told my friends Christianity ain't like that, and I really don't know what to make of them. But glad that they were mature enough to understand and we walked off and went our separate ways.

Oh this is so interesting. Everyday it seems, there is another divine encounter with people, all hungry, or questioning, or just wanting real friendships.

God will you bring your love so evident in me, in Your power, cuz I can't do this on my own strength!

Yay!