"It's as if I'm trapped inside a surreal glass-paned trapezoid."
"Why? I don't get your logic."
"Everything's moving too fast you see. All around me. I see it. There's all this noise, but I can't hear nothing inside this."
"Can't you just break out of it? Smash it?"
"Well. I like to preserve myself. Make sure everything's tidy. But then, I get all messy inside of here. No one can really see it, even though it's all transparent."
"I still don't get it."
"Yea, no one does. I want to be out there on the other side. Taking pictures, petting stray rabbits, eating foriegn foods, making unmade music."
"Then why don't you?"
"I already told you. I can't move as fast. They are already too ahead. And besides, look at what I'm already doing inside of here. I got to keep all this in-tact."
"I don't know. Looks like you might smash it all soon."
"I will one day. When the times right. It's not time yet."
Showing posts with label art. Show all posts
Showing posts with label art. Show all posts
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Art and Deeper
i wonder if it's too much to ask to be surrounded by more fashionista/os, photogs, music junkies and the ecetera. i feel silly dressing up for school sometimes (grad school!). i'm labeled as emo if i passionately enjoy and analyze what students are wearing, or when i look at a photograph and say, "yes, that's it."
something about being in a pool of passionate people strikes me. it lets me live another day. i don't mean to be so dramatic, but that's who i am. i like seeing you, for who you are, not for all that you are hiding behind. you're a tree, and im ready to get beyond your shallow leaves, i dig. that's who i am. and i don't want to be this way at times, it often isolates me for people are a peculiar bunch. they fear what they long for the most, to be real and be. but they raise up their fists, branches and all, waving to themselves to push against the momentarily drafts of purposelessness. im not inclined to tell anyone that i got it all figured out, nope i'm even worse, dealing with insecurities that many do not know of. but what i do know, and have gotten figured out, this life is short, why waste it with superficial jargon? yea, maybe art itself is a shallow distraction also, but it leads to deeper meanings. how can art in essence be superficial without insulting the piece itself? if it is insult, it rightly deserves its pain. it's only is a piece of crap, it deserves to be insulted.
harsh? i suppose. but superficiality is insulting. we all are, and we all insult one another with it. only because we're scared.
until we know we are loved
and is in love.
by one who isn't swayed by the weak structures of this place
we call life.
something about being in a pool of passionate people strikes me. it lets me live another day. i don't mean to be so dramatic, but that's who i am. i like seeing you, for who you are, not for all that you are hiding behind. you're a tree, and im ready to get beyond your shallow leaves, i dig. that's who i am. and i don't want to be this way at times, it often isolates me for people are a peculiar bunch. they fear what they long for the most, to be real and be. but they raise up their fists, branches and all, waving to themselves to push against the momentarily drafts of purposelessness. im not inclined to tell anyone that i got it all figured out, nope i'm even worse, dealing with insecurities that many do not know of. but what i do know, and have gotten figured out, this life is short, why waste it with superficial jargon? yea, maybe art itself is a shallow distraction also, but it leads to deeper meanings. how can art in essence be superficial without insulting the piece itself? if it is insult, it rightly deserves its pain. it's only is a piece of crap, it deserves to be insulted.
harsh? i suppose. but superficiality is insulting. we all are, and we all insult one another with it. only because we're scared.
until we know we are loved
and is in love.
by one who isn't swayed by the weak structures of this place
we call life.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Crazy Happenings with grace
The other day I was in class feeling very alone. Most of the people in there know that I am a Christian. I speak about my beliefs occasionally, enough for others to label me as "religious". Gosh, I hate that word. It's much like the difference between calling someone your "boyfriend" or calling them your "lover". Yea, both have characteristics of what attraction between two people may look like, but the latter signifies depth. Jesus Christ isn't a teacher who commands me to obey a set of beliefs and I am to damn other people if they aren't following. Jesus Christ loves me. And yes, I do have a relationship with God, where we have dialogue, where He tells me what the next best steps are, where He tells me the future about certain events and people. That is the difference between what "religiosity" and "relationship" is.
For the past few days God has been graciously blessing me, enough for me to see account it more than coincidence. Currently, I am student teaching at Belmont, an inner city school comprised of half of their students failing classes. As many know, I am involved with three ministries: Grace Korean Church Family Group co-Leading, Newsong LA small group, and Christian Students of Conscience (UCLA) Core training. In addition, juggling 20 units and 432084038 pages of reading I wonder where I find the time to socialized (thank God I do).
Christian Students of Conscience had a prayer meeting led by Professor Robert Romero (also a pastor at Newsong LA) on UCLA's campus. It is there where I met Jose Morales. Jose is also now part of CSC's core training group and we meet every Thursday in Culver City, joined with Newsong LA's JAC (Justice Advocacy Compassion) team.
The following few weeks My cohort adviser from UCLA told me to do my observation and 3-weeks of student teaching at Belmont High school. I saw that Belmont had the most need (lack of resources, funds, etc.) and recalled Won Kim (GKC's head pastor's son) telling me "Go to the school that is hardest to work in, and you'll learn more", and heeded his challenging advice.
Every Teacher Education Program student from UCLA has someone called a "guiding" teacher at the schools that they are observing/student teaching at. Well, amazingly, out of all the schools that I had a choice from in LAUSD, and out of all the teachers I could have been observing, I am in Jose Morales's room, my friend, and fellow CSC member. There is much grace upon my life because of this. I have the liberties of studying (catching up on readings) during my "observation time", coming in at an hour that would not severely deprive me of sleep, collaborating smoothly on lesson plans, have genuine conversations about our personal spiritual walks, etc. I was matched with JOSE! Because of this, there is more time allotted in the day to do other ministry works.
For instance, yesterday, I was leading worship and prayer with GKC small group and we ended up hanging out till 1am! If I was with another teacher, I'd be screwed because he/she would be on my case about not coming in at 8am.
The small group time was wonderful and well-needed for most of us (including myself). There were about 15 people in total, and 3 of them were newcomers from Santa Monica College. During prayer time, one of the girls shared her experience about some personal issues and felt that she was going "crazy". Anna and I looked at each other and thought the same "wow, we know exactly what she is going through." We had a change to minister to her and she felt so relieved. Later that night, our group went up to Bruin cafe to hang out, and the same girl talked about how she needed to do an interview for one of her classes. She spent the whole day asking faculty members if any of them had experience with the issues of human trafficking. Will Kim laughed and then told her that I had experience with that (Nightlight) and that that is currently a topic that God has put in my heart. She jumped up ecstatically, and shouted "Oh my gosh, you're exactly the person I need to interview, God is so good!" The crazier part is, I have been praying that God would continue to network me with those who have a heart for anti-human trafficking. Every week I am meeting one or two people, who want to get involved with this issue. Simply amazing.
Oh, yea and another act of grace. Most of you know that I wanted a Macbook so I can start doing the documentary (of which I will keep the subject confidential here but is related to the trafficking issue) and write / record music. I prayed that God would help me financially with getting a Macbook knowing that this will help me make music and movies for His purposes. I searched on craigslist for great deal, but to my dismay found none. UCLA's store was having a sale to get rid of the white 13inch macbooks. They were selling it for 899.99 (2.4ghz, etc) which was an excellent deal considering it had enough power and space to do some editing, and it was 300-400 dollars less than the new ones. But still, that was so much money for me (I bring 1-2 sacked lunch everyday to save money!). Brian Kho of passion church (simple churches, Jaeson Ma, Organic church network) called me and told me to wait at Ackerman book store because he had a gift for me. He was in his dorm (way north of campus), took the bus down, and skated to the bookstore just to meet and and give me a gift. I had told him about the documentary idea prior, and he and a few PC members grouped up and collected $100.00 for me. He said that he felt that this is something PC wants to support in, knowing that this documentary idea came from God. These are college students who don't have money, sometimes eating ramen for their dinners, and I was so humbled to see the love through sacrifice of finances. I don't even go to Passion Church! What the heck!!!??? I ended up paying about 800.00 for a new white macbook. Brian also told me he's going to give me his macbook cover, and a few others said they will help me to learn how to do flash (for CSC / SKYSUN web design) and such. God's grace overflows.
Sometimes I get caught up in my emotional / mind battles and I forget to see such grace.
Simply Amazing.
GOD THANK YOU.
For the past few days God has been graciously blessing me, enough for me to see account it more than coincidence. Currently, I am student teaching at Belmont, an inner city school comprised of half of their students failing classes. As many know, I am involved with three ministries: Grace Korean Church Family Group co-Leading, Newsong LA small group, and Christian Students of Conscience (UCLA) Core training. In addition, juggling 20 units and 432084038 pages of reading I wonder where I find the time to socialized (thank God I do).
Christian Students of Conscience had a prayer meeting led by Professor Robert Romero (also a pastor at Newsong LA) on UCLA's campus. It is there where I met Jose Morales. Jose is also now part of CSC's core training group and we meet every Thursday in Culver City, joined with Newsong LA's JAC (Justice Advocacy Compassion) team.
The following few weeks My cohort adviser from UCLA told me to do my observation and 3-weeks of student teaching at Belmont High school. I saw that Belmont had the most need (lack of resources, funds, etc.) and recalled Won Kim (GKC's head pastor's son) telling me "Go to the school that is hardest to work in, and you'll learn more", and heeded his challenging advice.
Every Teacher Education Program student from UCLA has someone called a "guiding" teacher at the schools that they are observing/student teaching at. Well, amazingly, out of all the schools that I had a choice from in LAUSD, and out of all the teachers I could have been observing, I am in Jose Morales's room, my friend, and fellow CSC member. There is much grace upon my life because of this. I have the liberties of studying (catching up on readings) during my "observation time", coming in at an hour that would not severely deprive me of sleep, collaborating smoothly on lesson plans, have genuine conversations about our personal spiritual walks, etc. I was matched with JOSE! Because of this, there is more time allotted in the day to do other ministry works.
For instance, yesterday, I was leading worship and prayer with GKC small group and we ended up hanging out till 1am! If I was with another teacher, I'd be screwed because he/she would be on my case about not coming in at 8am.
The small group time was wonderful and well-needed for most of us (including myself). There were about 15 people in total, and 3 of them were newcomers from Santa Monica College. During prayer time, one of the girls shared her experience about some personal issues and felt that she was going "crazy". Anna and I looked at each other and thought the same "wow, we know exactly what she is going through." We had a change to minister to her and she felt so relieved. Later that night, our group went up to Bruin cafe to hang out, and the same girl talked about how she needed to do an interview for one of her classes. She spent the whole day asking faculty members if any of them had experience with the issues of human trafficking. Will Kim laughed and then told her that I had experience with that (Nightlight) and that that is currently a topic that God has put in my heart. She jumped up ecstatically, and shouted "Oh my gosh, you're exactly the person I need to interview, God is so good!" The crazier part is, I have been praying that God would continue to network me with those who have a heart for anti-human trafficking. Every week I am meeting one or two people, who want to get involved with this issue. Simply amazing.
Oh, yea and another act of grace. Most of you know that I wanted a Macbook so I can start doing the documentary (of which I will keep the subject confidential here but is related to the trafficking issue) and write / record music. I prayed that God would help me financially with getting a Macbook knowing that this will help me make music and movies for His purposes. I searched on craigslist for great deal, but to my dismay found none. UCLA's store was having a sale to get rid of the white 13inch macbooks. They were selling it for 899.99 (2.4ghz, etc) which was an excellent deal considering it had enough power and space to do some editing, and it was 300-400 dollars less than the new ones. But still, that was so much money for me (I bring 1-2 sacked lunch everyday to save money!). Brian Kho of passion church (simple churches, Jaeson Ma, Organic church network) called me and told me to wait at Ackerman book store because he had a gift for me. He was in his dorm (way north of campus), took the bus down, and skated to the bookstore just to meet and and give me a gift. I had told him about the documentary idea prior, and he and a few PC members grouped up and collected $100.00 for me. He said that he felt that this is something PC wants to support in, knowing that this documentary idea came from God. These are college students who don't have money, sometimes eating ramen for their dinners, and I was so humbled to see the love through sacrifice of finances. I don't even go to Passion Church! What the heck!!!??? I ended up paying about 800.00 for a new white macbook. Brian also told me he's going to give me his macbook cover, and a few others said they will help me to learn how to do flash (for CSC / SKYSUN web design) and such. God's grace overflows.
Sometimes I get caught up in my emotional / mind battles and I forget to see such grace.
Simply Amazing.
GOD THANK YOU.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
He puts a Newsong on my mouth!
He puts a Newsong on my mouth!
I went to Newsong LA today. It was nice seeing familiar faces from Project Revolution. I can't wait until the next project revolution! Being homeless for a few days (part of PR) really puts into perspective what these people are going through. It challenged me to live frugally and trust that God will provide for all my material needs. For instance, I needed a shelf for my room (so cluttered, all them books). I was thinking of purchasing one, but a random girl by my apartment was having a yard sale. A white shelf (I needed white!) she sold to me for only $12.00! In addition, decorating my whole room only amounted to about $100.00. That includes, curtains, curtain rod, shelves, etc. Everything else, I found or got from someone. I love my room!
Today's sermon was truly orchestrated by the Holy Spirit. I am currently going through a difficult transition in my life (one of the most painful actually). Donna, the speaker, talked about Elijah in the book of 1 Kings. After dealing with all 850 prophets of Baal (Jezebal's god), he runs away and is miserable. Jezebel wants to kill Elijah, and even though Elijah saw the awesome power of God, he ran from her and told God how tired he was, even wanting to die! God then, prepared a cake and some water for him and said "Get up and eat." This really showed me how much God does care for my needs. Instead of looking at my painful circumstances, I really have to see all the blessings around me and thank Him for it. I have a wonderful roommate, living in west LA, nice room, great school, great program, so much opportunity to serve in the community...Seriously, thought patterns (especially negative) are so hard to break down sometimes. It's just like how Paul said "What I do not want to do, this I keep doing". But even more so, God showed me that was where I needed to practice "faith". For faith isn't faith unless it's hard to have it right?
There are numerous opportunities to get involved at Newsong LA. So far, Im really interested in writing for the communications department, doing audio tech, singing, shooting photography (dad gave me his old school 35mm SLR), and film. Interestingly, I am currently in the middle of doing a documentary about an important issue that needs to be more addressed in the church, and NS LA is doing a filming about trafficking and minors. My documentary is related to the topic in a sense, but I'll let ya'll know what it's about when it's finished. I shot some footage in Bangkok, and some here (of my friend Laurie Ishii, an ex-prostitute). I am very excited to start and finish this project (which will take me more than a year due to graduate school, and my lack of tech savvy). I'm also excited to start making music. I'm trying to buy a Macbook if anyone is selling them. I've already recorded a song with my friend Kilang back in Bangkok a few months ago, but it's a horrible rough cut. I'm so excited to start working on these projects. I just have to make sure to put God's priorities first!
This is Annie (From Nightlight) and Laurie Ishii (Laurieishii.com)at a Nightlight Benefit a few nights ago.
Please keep me in prayer. I want to glorify God in my personal life, my social life, my education goals, and artistic ventures. For all is meaningless if it doesn't cause the receiver to feel loved or be convicted of God's love!
Now off to Scoops ice cream with Anna.
Till next time.
I went to Newsong LA today. It was nice seeing familiar faces from Project Revolution. I can't wait until the next project revolution! Being homeless for a few days (part of PR) really puts into perspective what these people are going through. It challenged me to live frugally and trust that God will provide for all my material needs. For instance, I needed a shelf for my room (so cluttered, all them books). I was thinking of purchasing one, but a random girl by my apartment was having a yard sale. A white shelf (I needed white!) she sold to me for only $12.00! In addition, decorating my whole room only amounted to about $100.00. That includes, curtains, curtain rod, shelves, etc. Everything else, I found or got from someone. I love my room!
Today's sermon was truly orchestrated by the Holy Spirit. I am currently going through a difficult transition in my life (one of the most painful actually). Donna, the speaker, talked about Elijah in the book of 1 Kings. After dealing with all 850 prophets of Baal (Jezebal's god), he runs away and is miserable. Jezebel wants to kill Elijah, and even though Elijah saw the awesome power of God, he ran from her and told God how tired he was, even wanting to die! God then, prepared a cake and some water for him and said "Get up and eat." This really showed me how much God does care for my needs. Instead of looking at my painful circumstances, I really have to see all the blessings around me and thank Him for it. I have a wonderful roommate, living in west LA, nice room, great school, great program, so much opportunity to serve in the community...Seriously, thought patterns (especially negative) are so hard to break down sometimes. It's just like how Paul said "What I do not want to do, this I keep doing". But even more so, God showed me that was where I needed to practice "faith". For faith isn't faith unless it's hard to have it right?
There are numerous opportunities to get involved at Newsong LA. So far, Im really interested in writing for the communications department, doing audio tech, singing, shooting photography (dad gave me his old school 35mm SLR), and film. Interestingly, I am currently in the middle of doing a documentary about an important issue that needs to be more addressed in the church, and NS LA is doing a filming about trafficking and minors. My documentary is related to the topic in a sense, but I'll let ya'll know what it's about when it's finished. I shot some footage in Bangkok, and some here (of my friend Laurie Ishii, an ex-prostitute). I am very excited to start and finish this project (which will take me more than a year due to graduate school, and my lack of tech savvy). I'm also excited to start making music. I'm trying to buy a Macbook if anyone is selling them. I've already recorded a song with my friend Kilang back in Bangkok a few months ago, but it's a horrible rough cut. I'm so excited to start working on these projects. I just have to make sure to put God's priorities first!
This is Annie (From Nightlight) and Laurie Ishii (Laurieishii.com)at a Nightlight Benefit a few nights ago.
Please keep me in prayer. I want to glorify God in my personal life, my social life, my education goals, and artistic ventures. For all is meaningless if it doesn't cause the receiver to feel loved or be convicted of God's love!
Now off to Scoops ice cream with Anna.
Till next time.
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