Vent-alation: I need to breath

The purpose of this blog is not to lie you people and say that everything is okay, and that God is doing amazing works. He is always doing amazing works. But aside from that, I made this blog to show the experience of what I am encountering here in Bangkok through the joys, randomness and frustrations that come with it. Therefore, if you feel shocked at my venting, please go read some Psalms... David was pretty annoyed too.

In no way am I trying to represent this organization in a bad light. The group is amazing, there are many positive aspects about it. This venting is only a personal issue between me and a visitor/volunteer.

I am annoyed.

Well, first, there's the visitor, who seems to have some animosity toward Korean people. She doesn't appreciate the culture. She mentions how she "hates" the rice in Korea because it made her gain weight. She doesn't understand why people are so pushy and shovey there. She just doesn't have a heart for Korea. And that's fine. But I don't understand why she is working there. And I don't understand why she isn't considerate of my feelings, sharing these details with me when I am Korean. She says it half-jokingly, but I know that she doesn't like Korea. I want to share with her how I was born in California, and dealt with racial issues. Being an American, I had to deal with racist jokes, racist name calling, being marginalized in certain areas, etc. And I am AMERICAN. And I'm not going to lie and say that I never dealt with the same feelings she had, yet her expressing it to me, is that some strange coping mechanism?

Now the girl that I'm really having a problem with.. She is older than me by a few years, and annoyingly opinionated. I had to do some data entry for the past 2 weeks and had to move around locations twice. She tells me that we are going to be in the same room, and she ends up never really showing up. So for about two days I was alone in a dark room, dusty (I am allergic to dust) and miserable in the back filling out papers. New volunteers come along, and she is giving them the opportunities to do work on the computer. So, I am basically pushed aside in the dark room downstairs to make room for the new volunteers. I can't help but to wonder if she is slightly prejudiced towards me because I'm Asian. I shouldn't jump to conclusions on that, but it did cross my mind. Sometimes I feel a sense of jealously from her. I established friendships here rather quickly, in the organization and at Newsong Bangkok. It always seems like she needs to prove something to everyone. I don't know what has happened in her life, but she has some major issues. Today the visitor girl, the girl I am having a problem with, and I were conversing on the pros and cons of Macs and PCs. She went on about some details that there is not much difference in programs since Apple's applications can be downloaded to PCs. I responded that Mac is more efficient because it has the same companies making the OS, Processor and CPU so there's a less likely chance of crashing and encountering errors. But mid sentence she cuts me off!

This girl had some major problems with other volunteers in the past. I keep getting advice from people to "love" her etc. But no one knows how it feels to be in a country where you feel so alone, and a co-volunteer adds onto the problem. So I would really appreciate it if people could at least show some compassion at least and pray for me. It's incredibly insulting and annoying. Her arrogance is a purifying stench. It's amazing. I've established friendships with many of the women who work here (the ex-prostitutes). I feel they understand where I'm coming from much more than the girl. They embrace me, welcome me, talk to me. Maybe it's a culture thing, I don't know.

I feel some of the women may feel a bit turned off by the gospel. Many of them are not saved. I understand that it is their choice, and that Hindu/Buddhism is part of Thai culture (much like Jews), however, the gospel knows no boundaries. What is the gospel? GRACE. Many of the staff and other volunteers do act out in grace; they are compassionate. But, as for the girl... if one creates an atmosphere where there is an underlying power conflict, people are bound to break under pressure. Or at least feel turned off to the gospel. Yes, the very effort that is made (the organization itself) exemplifies love, grace, yet, that should not be the end. Love is beyond the act of bringing people out of bondage. Love is also making an effort to establish friendships, go down to the level of the foreigner. Yes, I know I am speaking for myself with the girl. But, I have tried. Try harder you say? Well, why don't you come here and try for me.

For now, I am scared that I will confront her soon. I hope it be at a point where it is loving and not explosive.

God help me.
What are your opinions?