Let it Rain

encapsulate dark hues,
mary jane blues, slowing it down
glistening windows, dew dropped reflections
images reveal itself upon
serious eyes.

could this be what they call
a deep sleep. an unsound sleep.
bury the seed in the ground, all the
way covered in muddy footsteps. smashed
against the muddy dirt and ridged feet
of strangers friends loved ones enemies.
till you become nothing more than dust.

cellophane crinkles, face preservation
from time clocked wrinkles. don't touch
or else it'll break. globs of liquid money
on the face. keeping it fresh and dewy
just like the rain. not like the dirt laden
face.

let the seed die. let it die
dont fight and let it die.
the truth reveals itself in the end.
summer will bring its glory.

The day my heart died.

Just thinking about the way you died kills me inside.
I'm so sorry Snowflake. I didn't mean to. I didn't know it would
happen like this. I only wanted to rescue you. You had fleas, and was about
to die. I took you in, and I'm sorry you had to die like that. I didn't
know it would be that way. I waited so long to catch you, and God let me catch you.
But I didn't know it would end like this. I'm sorry Snowflake, I'm really so sorry.
You were such a good rabbit. You were calm and gentle, and never fought back.
And I wish you would have fought Lucky back harder. But Lucky was too strong, I
know. I wish my mom didn't have to clean the room like that and leave you outside.
I wish I bough a cage for you so you didn't have to be chased around and killed.
I should have bought a cage right away instead of waiting. I didn't have the
money at that time Snowflake. I'm so sorry. I didn't have the money, and couldn't
get a cage for you. I wish you didn't have to die like that. I wish I had a job
so I could have bought you a cage. Or I wish I was out there when Lucky broke
her chain so I could have rescued you. I want you to know that I loved you very
much. I would have gladly been attacked by Lucky in your place. I really would have.
I'm sorry Snowflake. I miss you so much. I wish you were alive. I'm sorry Snowflake.
I'm sorry. :********( I want you back Snowflake. Please come back.

Glass Paradigms

"It's as if I'm trapped inside a surreal glass-paned trapezoid."

"Why? I don't get your logic."

"Everything's moving too fast you see. All around me. I see it. There's all this noise, but I can't hear nothing inside this."

"Can't you just break out of it? Smash it?"

"Well. I like to preserve myself. Make sure everything's tidy. But then, I get all messy inside of here. No one can really see it, even though it's all transparent."

"I still don't get it."

"Yea, no one does. I want to be out there on the other side. Taking pictures, petting stray rabbits, eating foriegn foods, making unmade music."

"Then why don't you?"

"I already told you. I can't move as fast. They are already too ahead. And besides, look at what I'm already doing inside of here. I got to keep all this in-tact."

"I don't know. Looks like you might smash it all soon."

"I will one day. When the times right. It's not time yet."

When you have all that you want...

It's 5:10 am. I am up.
The noise trails of cars race by my apartment, following the hush of street trees.
Reading Heavenly Man, yet again, has humbled me.

One day I will die. And you will too.
What is this life that we waste on distractions and frivolous notoriety?
"meaningless! meaningless! says the teacher."

Living in Los Angeles, I've become accustomed to:

1. Making sure to not wait in line.
2. Always finding a way to try out the latest hot spots.
3. Keeping: good grades, a most supportive boyfriend, and physical/social attentiveness

It is a thrill, to always have everything you want. Have everything you want.
Apartment on the west side with plenty of parking. Art Director Boyfriend who does work for high profile companies and clientele. The ability to: edit film, write papers, read books, dance, analyze, business forecast, market, counsel, write curriculum, do bible study, cook, find deals, photoshop/finalcut/protools, stopmotion.So much food in the fridge that it spoils within a week. I use sprigs of Basil, from my Basil plant, not the dry stuff. Saffron to color and flavor rice. I work out for free at UCLA's gym, and use their saunas / showers. Eat out: Allora in Weho. Bottega in DT. Real Food in BH. Planet in SM. Sandwiches on Larchmont. Sprinkles. Lawrys. Flemings. Taurino. Tasca. RoadtoSeoul. Phoenix.Kogi. Pinks.Unagi.Pacos.Blue Marlin.Novel.Intelligensia.Cashbah.Private Lofts.Lofty prices.Fashion shows.Benefits.Les Deux/ Citizen/Green Door/etc. HotelCafe.MagicCastle.RevoLA.Shepard Fairy. Shakira.Melrose. JetRag.Goodwill.944. GOOD.Freedom and Fashion...

My boyfriend is the almost perfect boyfriend in existence. Only Jesus is my perfect boyfriend.I have supportive parents, who don't beat me (anymore at least). I love my church small group. I have friends. I have more than most, and I know it.

I dont want any of this if that is all there is to life.
There will always be this insatiable appetite for more, if I choose to worship myself.
Me.Me.Me.Me.Me.

I humbly ask you my fellow brother/sister in Christ (if you're reading this), to keep me in prayer. I want to use all that He has blessed me with for His glory, to expand His kingdom, and show His love to many who are hurting or not realizing His love.

My friend just emailed me today about how one of our FnF team members accepted Christ.
And again, I was reminded.


The journey and fight is not about me.
It's about Jesus Christ, and my life isn't over yet.

before a fall

when withering leaves becomes of me
will you see?
a fine autumn day
aerial shots
black caps, black suits, black boots
paying homage to the great
let down
the box into the soil
among petitions of others
for reality to not set in

down goes the great
back to dust

come along all!
let arise the one
holding keys

all hail!
gates of hell
will not prevail, prevail, prevail.

a few months equals life changed.

it's almost 5am.
these past 6-7 months has been killer.
i never knew how big freedom and fashion would get.
the lord is good.

new season of healing for many.
including me.


jhplusbk to come soon.
post show of course.


back to work.
see you guys at the show this thursday. dont be late!

Of Worry and Paradigm Shifts

it's been a while hasn't it? i wonder if blogging less means im being productive in real time. perhaps.

i don't know what to make of this post. a friend of mine started a new blog called "steveleeismeantome", a daily musing consisting of fml moments to which i thought mildly brilliant. i say mildly for now and will conclude it either rubbish or brilliant after a few more posts. yea i said rubbish. sterilized trash is less offensive, at least in my world.

besides the never ending white noise of commuters, it's relatively quiet in my apartment. against the busyness outside, i am left immobile to thoughts - a worrisome creature i am. some say it's necessary for the execution of tasks. others say it leads to ulcers and a horrible attitude in life. cross hatched leaves droop above our balcony reminding that even trees are taken care of.

it is well it is well within my soul. even ants smashed by my roomie's hands show of wrath deserving, yet i am spared when i curse another soul. why is this? this morning, i read on the topic of grace. this past year i've come to a deeper understand of it. it's remarkable to think that paradigms do shift, often unknowingly to the person in them. i knew i lived under grace before, but to what degree? the revelation of God's love for me and the frailty of who i am is humbling.

so for the most of you out there, i've been working with a fantastic team to host a fashion show in the fall. every single day has been a challenge in one way or another. the team is now about 20 strong, yet i always wonder how it will all pan out in the end. i only know to walk by faith for now.

...in the end, all that glitters will fade. more than fame and wealth, i want to leave an impression in the heavenlies.

God be my everything.